As we go through the fear that comes from having a child in addiction, it is so easy to allow that fear to consume us. We live it, we breathe it, we virtually bleed it until it seems that there is nothing left of the person we were intended to be. Any brightly colored joy we may have felt in the past seems to be painted over by a dull aching gray.
But what if the fear that torments us and robs us of joy is also the very paintbrush that Father wants to use to draw us deeper into His color palette, richer and more brilliant hues, not based on our carefully constructed and now crumbling image of what life is supposed to be? What if Father offers us so much more of Himself when we trust Him, not hesitantly sticking our toes in the shallow end of the pool but, with wild abandonment, flinging ourselves into the waters of His love and peace. He calls us to leave behind our image of hope and instead find what true hope is.
Does that mean I won’t hurt anymore, that I will not lie awake at night wondering if my child is still alive? No. But the gloomy gray aloneness of fear will be replaced by the comfort and joy of knowing that my Papa walks with me and wants me to know Him ever more deeply. The pain becomes a gift, a tool to break me out of my self-satisfied ways in order to receive so much more, that I may shed the gray glasses and become fully alive to the vibrant colors of His joy.
Isaiah 41:10: Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.